Help! I’m a whale!

“Dear Johnsathan,
I weigh 2 stone and I am fat, I wanna look like that pretty model on the concern ad, how do I? My fingers don’t help me anymore and neither does my toothbrush? HELP

I’m so puking in Supermacs now

-obese”

Dear obese,

Johnsathan hears your problem and knows the solution. Bulemia is very destructive…to peoples personal property bitch! so you better make sure that when you’re doing the two finger tombola you dont ruin someones stuff! That model on the add is very stylish and I’m afraid you’ll never be so. Because you are so fat our super stylish advice is to try and get a job at seaworld, I mean how long can shamoo live right??

Lots of stylish love,

Johnsathan!

Edited: November 12th, 2009

Airhead out of air?

“Dear Johnsathan,

I am such a super fan of your website. Being a lesbian, my life is very boring. Especially my sex life. I am so tired of shaving my legs, arms, back, legs again, face, head, shoulders and vag. I am also so tired of breathing! can you help me with this problem?

Your big fan – ClungeMagnet69″

Dear ClungeMagnet69,

Our stylish solution to your problem is…..just quit or sew it up!

Johnsathan

Edited: August 18th, 2009